Sexual Abuse, Female, or Male?

Is sexual abuse only done on females?

Is sexual abuse only done by a Man?

Is sexual abuse only about forced penetration?

No.

Sexual abuse is a much wider term and is experienced by most of the females, boys, and other gender in some form or the other, at some stage or the other in our life. But yes, most of us do not acknowledge it.

Being teased, forced exposure to inappropriate words or visuals or content and inappropriately touched in a gathering or public space cannot be counted as its almost normalised.

There is a long-lasting impact of sexual abuse on an individual. It usually leads to distorted understanding self as an individual and as a sexual being. It also Skews the relationships with other beings. Few examples of these are an abuse victim becomes an abuser, Victim of abuse might blame oneself and try to end life or lead a life where the vulnerability of multiple sexual abuse increases, Abuse of substances or even food is seen in victim of sexual abuse, Confusion with sexual orientation and many such things.

Emotionally the guilt and the confusion on how one is responsible to have called it upon oneself is immense.

Let me share some stories of the impact of sexual abuse on a few of my clients.

A girl who was abused by her two cousins for consecutive nights as a teenager, got married to a loving and caring man. Theoretically she was having a prefect man in her life, but she could not sexually enjoy with her husband because she fantasied two men to sandwich her for better sexual satisfaction.

A girl who was sexually abused as a child blamed her mother for being careless about her wellbeing and hated every instruction coming from her mother which might otherwise be positive or negative. She had a couple relationship with few females who came more like loving and caring motherly figures. And in her marriage, she didn’t like any instruction coming from her mother-in-law.

 A boy who was sexually abused by his cousin sister when young, could not have healthy relationship with most females and hated his mother for not breaking ties with the family when he came to her with the truth.

A boy who was sexually abused by his maid could accept his mother for not giving the maid to the police. And after that never respected a female.

A daughter blamed herself for being sexually abused by her father and thought she was not good enough to have healthy relationships.

A boy who was sexually abused by his cousin was unable to leave alcohol and live upto her parental expectation.

A son of mother who was abused by his brother-in-law blamed himself for his mother’s abuse. He would protect every female in an abusive relationship, but unable to consummate a relationship of his own or get married to anyone.

A man sexually abused by his sister-in-law could not be sure if he could manage himself well in his marriage thus was reluctant to marry.

A boy sexually abused by his uncle, was unsure of his sexual orientation and if he had the capacity to attract or satisfy any female.

Thus, there are many stories of sexually abuse hidden under the carpet impact so many individuals and relationships. We really need to talk about this and a therapeutic intervention can help such individuals resolve their issues and heal the wound of the past.